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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163353">You never love yourself half as much as I love you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailAwaySweetBrimi/pseuds/SailAwaySweetBrimi'>SailAwaySweetBrimi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cancer, Cutting, Hurt Niall Horan, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Niall Horan Angst, Niall Horan Whump, Niam - Freeform, Nouis, Sad Niall Horan, ziall</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:02:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25163353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailAwaySweetBrimi/pseuds/SailAwaySweetBrimi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>///Niall Horan Angst Oneshots///<br/>If you are triggered by Niall Horan getting hurt and Angst please don't read</p>
<p>There are more than 3 oneshots`</p>
<p>These are just a bunch of Sad stories/ one-shots</p>
<p>The title is taken from Little Things</p>
<p>Chapter 1: Cancer</p>
<p>Chapter 2: Asthma</p>
<p>Chapter 3: Too Late</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Niall Horan/Harry Styles, Niall Horan/Liam Payne, Niall Horan/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hope you enjoy the first chapters will be up soon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1: Cancer</p>
<p>Chapter 2: Asthma</p>
<p>Chapter 3: Too Late</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cancer {Ziall}</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is the hardest one I had to write</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one is emotional, I'm sorry in advance for my shitty writing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It happened when Zayn left One Direction. Niall was diagnosed with lung cancer. Zayn left him as well as the band and is now with GiGi. What the Pakistani man doesn’t know is that Niall won’t be here for much longer. Niall knew Zayn wasn’t coming back why would he? Nobody wanted the Irish Blond anymore even the world. The second One Direction was formed Niall knew he was different. He knew he would be the member everybody would pick on. He knew it was because he was Irish. He knew it was because he was a small and skinny boy. What Niall didn’t know was how much he loved Zayn but things aren’t built to last.</p><p> </p><p>//Flashback//<br/>Niall walked into the doctor's office with a heavy chest. “Yes, Niall please take a seat” Niall sat down in front of the doctor and ran a hand through his blond hair. “Top of the morning to ye” He spoke amusing the doctor despite the bad news he was about to hear. “Listen Niall this is quite serious” The man spoke stern. “You took a test a few weeks back and we have the results”</p><p>Niall sat there frightened. “You have lung cancer” Tears brimmed in the Irish lad’s eyes. “h-how?” He choked on his own tears. “Does anybody smoke around you?” Zayn. Shit. “Only my boyfriend” what was happening. “I’m sorry to say but he is the reason because on second inhaling” Niall grew weak as he cried. “What about the band? Can I still sing?” The doctor shook his head. “I’m so sorry but we predict you will only have 6 more months” Niall nodded as he was prescribed medication. “I’m  sorry Mr. Horan”<br/>It had been six months. Niall had made it one day past his predicted death date. It was a few days till Christmas and the flat was so cold. Despite all of the fame and riches, Niall was dying and he had nobody to spend his life with anymore. Money can buy almost anything but anything’s nothing when you’re dead. Harry was too busy making Fine Line. Liam was probably doing the same making music. Louis is spending time with his child and Zayn. Well, Zayn is about to be a dad. As much as Niall is happy for him, it hurts to see Zayn with somebody else. At least he will spend his life happy and not with some dyeing slob. Niall was lying on his couch with a big warm blanket draped over his thin body watching Netflix.</p><p>He was well aware he wrote too many songs about Zayn. It kills him that he knows he will never be the light of Zayn’s life again. Niall stopped dying his hair blond and now he had messy brown hair. The Irish Lad listened to One Direction on a daily basis now just so he could get a glimpse of what life used to be like. ‘We’re only getting older baby. And I’ve been thinking about you lately. Does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes…  Niall’s eyes begun to feel drowsy as he felt his chest tighten. He took a deep breath in as he drifted off to sleep.</p><p>Niall woke up to his phone ringing in his ear. He looked at the screen and the name Harry came up. He looked at the time and it read 5.33 am. What would Harry want? He took in a stuttered breath as he answered the call. “Finally Ni” Niall chuckled a little at Harry’s voice. “Hey, Hazza what’s up?” He heard faint giggles on the other end of the line. “Well me and the boys at yours tonight?” Niall couldn’t believe his ears. “You got them back together?” Niall’s heart was racing. “Well, Liam and Louis I invited Zayn but I don’t know if he’s coming” The brunette had tears brimmed in his eyes. “See you tonight then around 5ish?”</p><p>“See you then Mr. Styles”</p><p> </p><p>Zayn~*~*~</p><p>Zayn never felt he belonged after he left One Direction. It felt like they were rubbing it in his face when they won best video. That was three years ago now. Zayn and GiGi were having a child. The thing that annoyed Zayn the most was he was still in love with Niall. Even if he didn’t have blond hair. He was still in love with him.</p><p>It was around 5.30 am when Zayn got the message. </p><p>Hey Zayn,<br/>I’m not expecting a reply but <br/>The lads and I are going to Niall’s house tonight<br/>And we would love for you to join us<br/>For one last time. Please Zayn.<br/>Do it for Niall I haven’t spoken to him in a while and I’m starting to worry.<br/>Please be there for us and for Him</p><p>Harry</p><p>Zayn took a deep breath in as he laid down on the bed. He didn’t even know he fell asleep. GiGi’s eyes awaked Zayn. “Come one babe wake up, it’s 50 minutes past four” The brunette shot up and grabbed his coat. “Babe where are you going?” Zayn grabbed a bottle of wine and raced across the flat. “To Niall’s house love you babe” Just like that Zayn was out the door to see the Blond Boy. The cool air hit his skin causing him to scrunch up his nose. “I’m coming Niall”</p><p>Niall ~*~*~*~</p><p>Cool air washed over Niall’s skinny frame causing him to whimper slightly. It was 16.55 pm, the boys should be here anytime soon. Niall tried to get up only to fall back down on the couch. </p><p>Knock<br/>Knock<br/>“Niall lad we're here” Niall was so relieved when he heard Louis’s voice ring through the apartment. “Coming” He spoke above a whisper. Niall managed to get up but as he took steps he thought his legs were going to buckle from underneath him. “Come on lad where-” Niall swung the door open frightening the hell out of Louis. “Hi l-lads” Niall spoke as he was so happy to see his friends. “Come here Ni” Harry wrapped his arms around Niall’s ever so shrinking waistline. Harry rested his head on the blond's shoulder. “I was so worried about you Niall” He whispered into the blond's ear. “Good to see you Harry” Niall spoke as he felt his knees getting weak. “Come on in” The boys walked in with smiles on their faces.</p><p>Niall sat back on the couch and brought the blanket over his body. The boys joined him as all three boys held Niall close. It was so peaceful. So beautiful but Niall knew it wasn’t going to last. He had to tell them. “Hey la-” “I’M HERE” all four boys looked up to see where the voice was coming from. Zayn. Zayn was standing at Niall’s doorstep looking flushed from running. “Zayn!” Niall whimpered as he used all his energy to get off the couch. Zayn took the younger boy into his arms. “Niall I hate to come out of the blue but I couldn’t stay away” Zayn spoke as Niall cuddled his face into the older’s neck. “I missed you so much Zayn” All the three of the other boys were left dumbstruck at the scene that was taking place in front of them.</p><p>“Me too Ni, I’m so sorry for leaving you”</p><p>Time Skip</p><p>Liam saw it. Niall’s pills resting at his bedside table. He knew he shouldn’t have been nosy but these things looked important. He grabbed the box and looked at it. </p><p>Name: Horan, Niall James<br/>Age: 27 years<br/>Prescribed: Edward, Mullen<br/>For: LUNG CANCER<br/>Tears brimmed in Liam’s eyes. He didn’t even realize Louis walk in the room. “Whatcha doing Payno?” Louis’s eyes scanned on the pack and it brought tears to his eyes as well. “Liam is there something your not telling me?” Liam took a deep breath. “I think Niall had Lung cancer” All the pieces fit together. Why it took Niall so long to get to the door. The reason why Niall is so thin. “I think we have to talk with the lads about this”</p><p>Liam and Louis walked into the main living room. They saw Niall lying on Zayn while Harry was in the kitchen. They walked to Harry in the kitchen. “Harry we need to talk to you” They flickered the box to the younger and he nodded at them. They sat on the couch next to Zayn and noticed Niall was asleep. “We need to talk with Niall and you Zayn” Harry spoke quietly as tears brimmed in his eyes. “Ni wake up please” Niall opened his ocean blue eyes. “Are you guys hungry?” Niall saw the box in Liam’s hand. No. “Do y-you have c-cancer Niall” Louis choked as tears spilled from his eyes. All Niall could do was nod. They found out his secret. “I’m s-so s-sorry” Niall spoke as tears fell from his eyes.</p><p>“Come here” Harry spoke as he stood up. He wrapped his arms around Niall. Zayn joined the hug then Liam and Louis followed. The boys were just happy to hold Niall closer than they did before. “We love you, Niall”</p><p>6 months later <br/>Niall had lived 6 months past his expected death date. He was truly a fighter but now everything started to go downhill. His usual muscular body was now as thin as ever. He tried to sing every day but he couldn’t make out a note without coughing. Zayn tried to make time for him while being with GiGi. Nowadays Zayn never left Niall’s side. He slept with him and made sure he was comfortable. Niall was now on oxygen and the boys had to help him everywhere around the house. Even the bathroom. </p><p>Niall was lying in his bed everybody including Zayn was at his bedside to comfort him. Today it was Harry. He had written a bunch of songs for his Fine Line album. Only one was written about Niall. Falling. Niall enjoyed the boys singing because he couldn’t sing himself anymore. Zayn was in the bed with Niall and he held the Irish lad close as he talked to Harry. “I’ll leave you two alone” Harry spoke but it killed him to go. Niall knew it would be over soon. Every day that passed Niall felt weaker and weaker. Today Niall’s chest felt tight. Niall opened his eyes and looked into Zayn’s. His brown eyes started into Niall’s blue ones. “Zayn can you sing for me” Niall whimpered as he felt his breath start to go. What Zayn didn’t know was that Niall took off his oxygen mask.</p><p>You’re a little late<br/>And I’m already torn<br/>There’s nothing left I used to cry<br/>My inspiration has run dry<br/>That’s what’s going on<br/>Nothing’s fine I’m torn</p><p>Zayn stopped when he felt Niall’s hand slip out of his. He looked down at the brunette and his eyes were closed. “Ni?” Zayn spoke as tears fell from his eyes. “No Niall not now please I need you” Zayn cried as he held Niall’s head to his chest. “Harry!” Zayn cried. “Louis!  Liam! Please!” All three boys came in the room and saw Zayn. “Is h-he?” Harry whispered. “Call an ambulance! Please you have to save my Niall” Zayn whimpered as he cried into Niall’s shoulder. He looked at what used to be his boyfriend's face. Niall was no longer in pain anymore he was resting in a better place. That place was away from Zayn. Away from his friends.</p><p>“Promise you won’t leave me Niall” Zayn wailed as his hot tears hit Niall’s cold face. “Please y-you c-can’t g-go” Paramedics came in fast and tried doing CPR. Zayn watched as they pressed their hands on Niall’s fragile chest. After 30 minuet’s they placed a white sheet over Niall’s body. “NO!” Zayn cried tearing the sheet off his lover. “Just one more t-time” Zayn pressed his shaky lips against Niall’s. He savored the last taste of his mouth. “Goodbye Niall”</p><p>{_}<br/>Funeral<br/>Everybody was there to say goodbye to their friend. Zayn was there to say goodbye to his friend. His Love. His bandmate. His brother. Zayn held a ring tightly in his hand before slipping it on Niall’s finger. The diamond shone in the light just like Niall’s eyes. Everybody cried that day. You could say he was torn.</p><p> </p><p>{_}<br/>Present<br/>Zayn was looking through some of Niall’s things. He found a book that had Niall written across the front. He looked inside and realised this was Niall’s personal diary. Zayn opened the book and a photo of them on the X Factor fell out. His eyes started to scan the writing on the first page.</p><p>Dear Diary,<br/>Its Niall, my mum thought it would be a good idea if I kept a diary so here it is! Can you believe that I made it in! Bobby thought it was funny to think that I would even audition! But here I am at X Factor boot camp. I met Simon Cowell (Like I actually did!) And now I’m in a band with four other people! I wish I was as cool as they were but I’m not. Harry thought it would be a good idea to call us One Direction because we had the same ideas. Anyway, I’m getting a little tired now so I gotta go but I’ll be back soon.</p><p>Niall</p><p> </p><p>{_}</p><p> </p><p>Memories of the day the X-Factor gave Zayn the love of his life. He flicked to the last page and found something he wished he had sooner.</p><p>Dear Harry, Liam, Louis, and Zayn,<br/>If you are reading this then you have found out I have Lung Cancer and I am dead. <br/>I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner because I should have.</p><p>Harry, I wish I could have spent more time with you but I couldn’t. I wish I had your hair and I could sing as good as you but I can’t. You are amazing and I wish you the best of luck with your solo career.<br/>Liam, you really did make me smile when I didn’t want to. You supported me when I had braces and I’m so grateful for your ever-growing support. <br/>Louis, I will say hello to your mum for you. Thank you for always standing up for me on stage and for helping me when I needed it<br/>Zayn, Oh Zayn. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you. You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Thank you for being there and for loving me when I needed it. You are the Love of my life I’m sorry I couldn’t be there more. My last wish for you is to light a candle on my birthday. Please just remember who I am and not to make my music go to waste. I love you so much Zayn.</p><p>Signing off for the last time</p><p>Niall James Horan</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Asthma {Narry}</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Niall has an Asthma Attack</p><p>a little short</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have had asthma in the past so yeah</p><p>How was the last chapter by the way? Comment what you thought</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Niall had never told Harry that he was asthmatic. Niall was scared he would get dropped from the band because of his problem. It happened a few times on stage but thankfully, Harry thought Niall was just sick. The band had just landed in LA. It was quite busy outside the airport. “Niall? Where are you?” The blond caught the eye of the brunette. Harry walked over to Niall and put a protective arm around the boy's waist. “Stay close Ni” Niall nodded quietly.</p><p>Louis, Liam, and Zayn walked over to the pair shortly after. Niall felt his chest tighten a little but he shook it off not wanting to worry the others. “Hey, Harry where are our bags?” Harry cursed a little as they stood at the Ferris wheel waiting for their luggage. “Should be here soon Ni don’t worry” Niall nodded as he rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. Now Niall was happy that Harry was taller just so he could get some sort of comfort. Comfort. It didn’t last because it went downhill. Very quickly. Niall started to take sharp breaths and Harry noticed it immediately. It was a matter of seconds until Niall was on the ground wheezing. He was like a fish. A fish begging for water while stranded on land. “Hey Ni what’s wrong speak to me please” Harry spoke in a frightened tone. </p><p>“I-n hai” Niall couldn’t make out what he needed. He desperately needed his inhaler but their baggage was delayed. “h-he-elp p-pl-le-ase” Niall whimpered as tears spilled from his eyes. “Louis! Liam! Zayn please!” the three dashed over. Only Louis knew what was happening. “Niall look at me,” Louis asked as he got down on his knees. “Hey look at me Ni” Louis spoke as he held Niall’s face in his hands. He brought his head up to look at him. “His lip is turning blue!” Liam cried as he tried to get help from security. None of them cared about Niall though. “What is it Louis” Harry begged trying to get some help.</p><p>“Asthma he’s having an Asthma attack” Niall shuttered at the words. He felt his chest collapsing as he tried to curl into a ball. Harry started to hold him to his chest. “Breath Niall please” Harry spoke as he tried his best to keep his friend awake. Niall looked so small as he could barely take in breaths on his own. “I’ve tried everywhere nobody here had an Asthma pump” Niall was so frightened. “Stay with me Niall” Zayn came back with some bags. “I’ve got some of my bags” He spoke and Harry recognized Niall’s bag. Who wouldn’t? It had the Mullingar football team painted on it. “t-oile-tr-r-y b-bag-g” Niall whimpered. Harry dug his hand in there and found what he was looking for. His Asthma pump had a bunch of stickers littering it. </p><p>Harry gave it to the Irish lad and watched as Niall took in deep breaths. Niall’s breathing slowed as he rested his head back on Harry’s shaking body. “ Thanks, s-so m-much Harry” Despite being in a public place Harry pressed his lips against Niall’s. “That’s enough before he loses his breath again” Louis scolded as the band retrieved all their bags. “Let’s go” Harry held Niall close as they walked off into the paparazzi filled carpark. Harry didn’t hold him that close because the paparazzi pulled Niall to the ground. Niall landed on the ground with a thud and multiple people trampled over him to get a photo of Harry. One man managed to kick the Irish man in the temple causing his vision to blur.</p><p>“Niall! Where are you!?” Harry screamed as he looked for his boyfriend. Niall was so short Harry couldn’t pick him out over the crowd of people. Niall felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He looked up and was so glad to see Zayn and Liam. “Hazza! We got him” Zayn said as he pulled Niall back into Harry’s arms. Niall’s blood spilled on Harry’s shirt as the pair was pushed into a car. When they were in there and Harry knew they were safe he held Niall close. “Ni I’m so sorry” Harry whispered into his ear. “What for babe?” The brunette kissed the blond. “I love you so much” Niall spoke softly as his eye felt drowsy.</p><p>Harry draped a blanket over them and let Niall rest his head on his chest. “Thanks for taking care of me today Harry” Niall spoke softly so only Harry could hear. “You really did take my breath away”</p>
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